It's been almost a year now. I think I might be ready to take a deep breath and write the truth about hyperemesis.
Hyperemesis gravidarum is an extreme form of morning sickness. Really, that description doesn't do it justice.
Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:
* loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
* dehydration and production of ketones
* nutritional deficiencies
* metabolic imbalances
* difficulty with daily activities
source: helpher.org
I had fairly typical morning sickness with Sierra...I felt like I was car sick for most of the day. I would suddenly throw up (once in my lunch box because we were stuck in traffic and I couldn't open the car door), but then I felt better. When I was pregnant with Sedona, I had the same never ending "car sick" feeling, but it was worse. I took zofran on a regular basis so I could make it through the work day. I carried around a tin of tangerine altoids and sucked on them all day long to distract me from the nausea. I drank Boost (vanilla, over ice) to keep my calories up. I had some safe foods and I stuck to them. I took phenergan when I just wanted to pass out and not feel sick. Josh brought me a carnation instant breakfast every morning and I drank it with a straw before I ever sat up in bed. I lost too much weight and it sucked, but it was bearable.
And then I got pregnant with Secora. I started following the
Brewer diet immediately (and to the letter) because I knew I wouldn't be able to once I got sick and I think diet was a big part of why I avoided a premature birth with Sedona.
(side note: my amniotic sac was freakishly strong and I wonder if a good diet at the start was responsible for that) I had a couple weeks and gained a few pounds before the sickness hit.
When it hit, it hit hard. I had a few days of regular "I don't feel so good" sickness. Then on April 9, we went for an ultrasound. I remember because it was my birthday and it was the first time we saw a heartbeat. It was a Friday. I came home from that appointment and laid down in bed because I felt like I was going to barf any second and moving only made it worse. Aside from staggering the 15 steps to the bathroom, I didn't really get up for the next month. You may think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. I laid in bed getting sicker with every passing hour. I kept a barf bucket by the bed. I propped my computer up on its side so I could watch Netflix while laying down (having the image upright while I was laying on my side made me queasy). I had an aversion to every food and beverage that ever existed. If I could gag my way through eating, it had a better than 50/50 chance of staying down, but often, as soon as I put anything in my mouth, I would start to heave. Soon, chewing was out of the question, but I could still manage things like Boost and pudding if I just swallowed fast without thinking about it.
After about a week and a half, I went back to the doctor. My urine had ketones (a sign of starvation), so she talked about putting me in the hospital. Since I was still hydrated, she left it up to me though, and I opted to get some zofran and phenergan and try staying home. A few days later nothing would go down, not even water. I was more miserable than I've ever been in my entire life. It's hard to admit, but I wanted to miscarry. I've had a miscarriage before. It was devastating. I felt so bad physically and mentally that I was willing to trade it all for something different. Anything different. When I didn't miscarry, I wanted to die. And I don't mean that as hyperbole. I mean I literally wanted to die. Before I got pregnant, I had read
Casey's story on Moosh In Indy about her attempted suicide while pregnant and thought she was completely selfish and immature, but now it all made sense to me. I completely understood where her thoughts had been. I laid in bed, unable to sit up without getting dizzy and blacking out, and thought about ways I could put an end to it all if only I had the energy to get up. Thankfully, my brain was still functioning enough to realize I had at least 2 kids who needed me and that was enough to at least convince me "just one more hour" when one more day was too much. I was too prideful to say any of this to anyone at the time. I was still embarrassed to ask for help. I still thought I was weak and needed to tough it out.
If you are currently pregnant and have found your way here because you are searching for relief from hyperemesis, please take note of this if nothing else:
Dehydration contributes severely to depression. If you're sick and having hopeless, dark thoughts, get an IV. Keep getting them until you're hydrated. I didn't know that until after the fact. It can help immensely. If it doesn't, tell someone, preferably a health care provider.
I had gone approximately 24 hours with no food or water when I admitted I needed to go to a hospital. Josh called the doctor, who told him if we came to her first, she could give me admission papers and treatment orders to take with me, which would get me treated faster. We had both of the girls with us, so Josh was holding them and I tried to walk from the car to the doctor's office. I had to stop twice on the way in and sit on the ground in the parking lot because my vision was blacking out. Once inside, I made a beeline for the bathroom and sat on the floor leaning against the toilet (thank goodness it was clean, but not sure I would've cared). When they weighed me, I almost fell off the scale. I couldn't stay awake for the whole 20 minutes we were there. We took the papers and went to the hospital, where I laid down in a bed and watched them dig for a vein to start an IV. I had lost over 10% of my pre-pregnancy body weight. My blood pressure was abysmally low. I could no longer give a urine sample at all. I had gone so long without eating or drinking I had no bowel sounds (which greatly concerned the nurses, but why would you have noises when you'd had literally NO intake for hours and hours?).
I spent three days hooked to a steady flow of IV fluids (dextrose in normal saline) and getting regular IV injections of zofran. Late on the second day, I was staying awake longer. I could eat a little bit and drink sips of sprite and gatorade. My weight stabilized, my blood pressure came back up and they stopped making me measure my urine output. I could stand up without getting dizzy. I finally had the energy to brush my hair (which I had neglected so long, I had to slather on conditioner, then brush it out in the shower to have any hope of untangling it).
It wasn't at all sunshine and roses when I went home, but that was the low point. I continued taking zofran on a regular basis for several weeks. I ate popsicles all day long to stay hydrated. I threw up more, but I felt better. By the end of May, I was back to that "normal morning sickness" level of having Josh bring me carnation instant breakfast before I sat up in the morning and snacking on protein bars constantly to keep my blood sugar steady throughout the day. I wasn't a joy to be around, but I was functional. The
forums at the helpher site helped a lot. For one thing, I could be thankful I wasn't any worse off. For another, there were people who really understood what this was. There were jokes of being "crackered" (asked, "have you tried saltines and ginger ale?" or something similar) by a "fluffy" (someone actually gaining weight during pregnancy).
And even though I "lucked out" with a relatively short-lived encounter with hyperemesis, it didn't all end with the pregnancy. I get nauseous when I nurse. It's a passing wave that happens right before my milk lets down. It happened with Sedona too, but it's worse (completely bearable, but there) this time. As a lactation consultant, I've had one other client who experienced it. I've done a little research and found it's not unheard of, but very uncommon. It would make sense that this is just how I react to the oxytocin that causes the let down and it makes me wonder if my stomach is just completely sensitized to hormones. I have also read numerous stories of lingering digestive problems after a hyperemesis pregnancy...ulcers and dental problems are fairly common. I wonder if the stomach problems I'm experiencing now are somehow related even though my hyperemesis didn't last through the entire pregnancy. (The new proton pump inhibitor my doctor put me on has completely eliminated the abdominal pain I was having, which suggests ulcers are the culprit. It's only been a week, but I hope it continues working).
Moral of the story: If you're a woman who is sick, ask for help. If you are a friend or family member of a woman experiencing this, recognize that it is NOT normal morning sickness. She is not being a wuss. She is not just too lazy to get out of bed. She is likely not thinking clearly, nor making rational decisions. She needs medical attention, and you may need to help her get it. If you are a woman who experienced hyperemesis, recognize that your daughters have a higher chance of experiencing it and suggest they discuss it with their healthcare provider before things get bad.
As for me? I cannot be pregnant again. I could handle more babies or more kids, but the thought of being pregnant again is almost like a post-traumatic stress thing to me....it's terrifying and makes me feel panicky. Especially since the sickness was worse with each pregnancy. I honestly believe another pregnancy worse than the last would be life threatening for me. I'm blessed to have 3 wonderful daughters and I plan on sticking around for them.
It's been almost a year now. I think I might be ready to take a deep breath and write the truth about hyperemesis.
Hyperemesis gravidarum is an extreme form of morning sickness. Really, that description doesn't do it justice.
Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:
* loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
* dehydration and production of ketones
* nutritional deficiencies
* metabolic imbalances
* difficulty with daily activities
source: helpher.org
I had fairly typical morning sickness with Sierra...I felt like I was car sick for most of the day. I would suddenly throw up (once in my lunch box because we were stuck in traffic and I couldn't open the car door), but then I felt better. When I was pregnant with Sedona, I had the same never ending "car sick" feeling, but it was worse. I took zofran on a regular basis so I could make it through the work day. I carried around a tin of tangerine altoids and sucked on them all day long to distract me from the nausea. I drank Boost (vanilla, over ice) to keep my calories up. I had some safe foods and I stuck to them. I took phenergan when I just wanted to pass out and not feel sick. Josh brought me a carnation instant breakfast every morning and I drank it with a straw before I ever sat up in bed. I lost too much weight and it sucked, but it was bearable.
And then I got pregnant with Secora. I started following the
Brewer diet immediately (and to the letter) because I knew I wouldn't be able to once I got sick and I think diet was a big part of why I avoided a premature birth with Sedona.
(side note: my amniotic sac was freakishly strong and I wonder if a good diet at the start was responsible for that) I had a couple weeks and gained a few pounds before the sickness hit.
When it hit, it hit hard. I had a few days of regular "I don't feel so good" sickness. Then on April 9, we went for an ultrasound. I remember because it was my birthday and it was the first time we saw a heartbeat. It was a Friday. I came home from that appointment and laid down in bed because I felt like I was going to barf any second and moving only made it worse. Aside from staggering the 15 steps to the bathroom, I didn't really get up for the next month. You may think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. I laid in bed getting sicker with every passing hour. I kept a barf bucket by the bed. I propped my computer up on its side so I could watch Netflix while laying down (having the image upright while I was laying on my side made me queasy). I had an aversion to every food and beverage that ever existed. If I could gag my way through eating, it had a better than 50/50 chance of staying down, but often, as soon as I put anything in my mouth, I would start to heave. Soon, chewing was out of the question, but I could still manage things like Boost and pudding if I just swallowed fast without thinking about it.
After about a week and a half, I went back to the doctor. My urine had ketones (a sign of starvation), so she talked about putting me in the hospital. Since I was still hydrated, she left it up to me though, and I opted to get some zofran and phenergan and try staying home. A few days later nothing would go down, not even water. I was more miserable than I've ever been in my entire life. It's hard to admit, but I wanted to miscarry. I've had a miscarriage before. It was devastating. I felt so bad physically and mentally that I was willing to trade it all for something different. Anything different. When I didn't miscarry, I wanted to die. And I don't mean that as hyperbole. I mean I literally wanted to die. Before I got pregnant, I had read
Casey's story on Moosh In Indy about her attempted suicide while pregnant and thought she was completely selfish and immature, but now it all made sense to me. I completely understood where her thoughts had been. I laid in bed, unable to sit up without getting dizzy and blacking out, and thought about ways I could put an end to it all if only I had the energy to get up. Thankfully, my brain was still functioning enough to realize I had at least 2 kids who needed me and that was enough to at least convince me "just one more hour" when one more day was too much. I was too prideful to say any of this to anyone at the time. I was still embarrassed to ask for help. I still thought I was weak and needed to tough it out.
If you are currently pregnant and have found your way here because you are searching for relief from hyperemesis, please take note of this if nothing else:
Dehydration contributes severely to depression. If you're sick and having hopeless, dark thoughts, get an IV. Keep getting them until you're hydrated. I didn't know that until after the fact. It can help immensely. If it doesn't, tell someone, preferably a health care provider.
I had gone approximately 24 hours with no food or water when I admitted I needed to go to a hospital. Josh called the doctor, who told him if we came to her first, she could give me admission papers and treatment orders to take with me, which would get me treated faster. We had both of the girls with us, so Josh was holding them and I tried to walk from the car to the doctor's office. I had to stop twice on the way in and sit on the ground in the parking lot because my vision was blacking out. Once inside, I made a beeline for the bathroom and sat on the floor leaning against the toilet (thank goodness it was clean, but not sure I would've cared). When they weighed me, I almost fell off the scale. I couldn't stay awake for the whole 20 minutes we were there. We took the papers and went to the hospital, where I laid down in a bed and watched them dig for a vein to start an IV. I had lost over 10% of my pre-pregnancy body weight. My blood pressure was abysmally low. I could no longer give a urine sample at all. I had gone so long without eating or drinking I had no bowel sounds (which greatly concerned the nurses, but why would you have noises when you'd had literally NO intake for hours and hours?).
I spent three days hooked to a steady flow of IV fluids (dextrose in normal saline) and getting regular IV injections of zofran. Late on the second day, I was staying awake longer. I could eat a little bit and drink sips of sprite and gatorade. My weight stabilized, my blood pressure came back up and they stopped making me measure my urine output. I could stand up without getting dizzy. I finally had the energy to brush my hair (which I had neglected so long, I had to slather on conditioner, then brush it out in the shower to have any hope of untangling it).
It wasn't at all sunshine and roses when I went home, but that was the low point. I continued taking zofran on a regular basis for several weeks. I ate popsicles all day long to stay hydrated. I threw up more, but I felt better. By the end of May, I was back to that "normal morning sickness" level of having Josh bring me carnation instant breakfast before I sat up in the morning and snacking on protein bars constantly to keep my blood sugar steady throughout the day. I wasn't a joy to be around, but I was functional. The
forums at the helpher site helped a lot. For one thing, I could be thankful I wasn't any worse off. For another, there were people who really understood what this was. There were jokes of being "crackered" (asked, "have you tried saltines and ginger ale?" or something similar) by a "fluffy" (someone actually gaining weight during pregnancy).
And even though I "lucked out" with a relatively short-lived encounter with hyperemesis, it didn't all end with the pregnancy. I get nauseous when I nurse. It's a passing wave that happens right before my milk lets down. It happened with Sedona too, but it's worse (completely bearable, but there) this time. As a lactation consultant, I've had one other client who experienced it. I've done a little research and found it's not unheard of, but very uncommon. It would make sense that this is just how I react to the oxytocin that causes the let down and it makes me wonder if my stomach is just completely sensitized to hormones. I have also read numerous stories of lingering digestive problems after a hyperemesis pregnancy...ulcers and dental problems are fairly common. I wonder if the stomach problems I'm experiencing now are somehow related even though my hyperemesis didn't last through the entire pregnancy. (The new proton pump inhibitor my doctor put me on has completely eliminated the abdominal pain I was having, which suggests ulcers are the culprit. It's only been a week, but I hope it continues working).
Moral of the story: If you're a woman who is sick, ask for help. If you are a friend or family member of a woman experiencing this, recognize that it is NOT normal morning sickness. She is not being a wuss. She is not just too lazy to get out of bed. She is likely not thinking clearly, nor making rational decisions. She needs medical attention, and you may need to help her get it. If you are a woman who experienced hyperemesis, recognize that your daughters have a higher chance of experiencing it and suggest they discuss it with their healthcare provider before things get bad.
As for me? I cannot be pregnant again. I could handle more babies or more kids, but the thought of being pregnant again is almost like a post-traumatic stress thing to me....it's terrifying and makes me feel panicky. Especially since the sickness was worse with each pregnancy. I honestly believe another pregnancy worse than the last would be life threatening for me. I'm blessed to have 3 wonderful daughters and I plan on sticking around for them.
She was a little put off that I had her draw a heart shape instead of what a real heart looks like though, so she insisted on drawing "veins" to make it look more life like 
