Monday, February 7, 2011

50 questions answers Part 2

I answered the first 25 questions in an earlier post. Here are the rest of the answers, and this means I have finished goal #91 in my 101 goals in 1001 days project.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Ooh.....that's tough since I have kids now. I think I'd prefer to lose my old memories, start fresh and remember everything. Otherwise, I presume I would remember my children as babies but never remember anything they did as they grow up or know any grandkids I may have, and that would suck.

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? No. Not at all. If you refuse to look deeper at something, you can't possibly know it, all you're seeing is the surface, which is rarely representative of the truth.

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? No, and I hope it never does. Which is possible, because my greatest fear has changed over time, so maybe it will change again before I have to face my current fear.

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now? I don't think there was a time 5 years ago that I was extremely upset. We'd have to go back 10 years or so for that, and yeah, honestly it does still matter. If you're extremely upset on a fairly regular basis and then the reasons behind it cease to matter, perhaps you weren't *extremely* upset in the first place.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special? Umm...honestly, I wasn't such a happy child, I was way too high strung for that. Little snippets standout...trips to Schlitterbahn, staying at a hotel in Galveston that had bunk beds, upgrading from a commodore 64 to a nintendo, attempting to stay up all night long at slumber parties. I think the take away message from that is it didn't take big budget-busting things to make a happy memory, it was random little things that really stuck with me. I do remember always being made to feel like I was a really good baker (even when I probably wasn't)...that gave me confidence and pride.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? Uh, giving birth? For me, an unmedicated homebirth is the epitomy of overcoming a mental hurdle. When I read The Red Tent, the description of death huddling in the corner during a birth really struck a chord with me. No matter what decisions you make, there is an unmistakable, unavoidable, shadow of the unknown in the room during birth. By the time it's over, you're surrendering and accepting "what will be", breaking down your instinct to hold back, mentally accepting that the only way out of this is through it. For me, it's as if my brain is on a spiritual journey, turned so far inward that nothing else exists. And then to come rushing back in one moment, to have an almost instantaneous release from any pain, and be flooded with the realization everything is as it should be. It's a very very very difficult (mentally and physically) process that is more rewarding than anything else I've ever done and has given me an endless source of "I did that, so I can do this..." for other difficult life situations.

32. If not now, then when? Did someone without kids come up with this question? There are plenty of things to do in the meantime, but there really are some things I'd like to do that aren't feasible while I have small children (or rather, aren't priorities...I have a commitment to my babies to fulfill first)

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? Alright Mr. Zen Question. Can't say I feel as though I'm lacking in achievements.

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? More Zen-ness, I see. Look, I'm a scientist. If we have a great conversation, it's a great conversation. Otherwise, any conversation going on is within my own head and sometimes those voices say "aww! we really love this person and we should spend more time here" or "hey guys, I'm gettin' kinda stabby, let's skidaddle"

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because so many people blindly follow without ever looking deeper. It's one thing to get caught up in the lovey dovey feelings of the service and another to work hard for faith. Sorry, but if it comes at you like a lightening bolt and everything the preacher man says is 100% true, it's more cult, less religion, no matter what denominational label you slap on it. Some religions also tend to set up an "us vs. them" mentality, which de-humanizes people (and de-humanizing humans is never good).

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? Hmm...are we talking black and white, or shades of gray, here? Splitting things into good and evil, not so easy. There's always that middle "can you steal bread if you're starving" thing. And some things that seem good on the surface really have selfish intentions. It's possible to know if some things are good or evil, but not to label everything either good or evil. As you move toward the "middle", the distinction is less clear.

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? I don't get paid for my job, but I'd probably campaign for my husband to quit his.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? If you enjoy it, it's not work, is it? So sticking with the terminology here...less work is always better. Otherwise, it's a hobby or past time.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? Not yet. Secora's not 100 days old yet, so my recent days are definitely different. Things have been changing pretty fast lately...there's pre-married life, married without kids life, one kid life, two kid life and three kid life. All very different.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? And the Zen just keeps on comin'. Is this anything like Josh and I going, "Hey! How great would it be if we could take a 6 month trip? Could we visit all lower-48 states?" 'Cause I march right in it, and then right back out when I start adding up the money required.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? EVERYONE?!? How morbid can you get?? My kids come first. Then I'd kill myself late at night so I wasn't around for the mass die off (or is this one of those Shakespearean prophecies....I hear everyone's gonna die, so I kill myself, but everyone else kills themselves once they realize what I've done...). I officially rule this a dumb question.

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? Being extremely attractive or famous don't matter much to me. But honestly, with some pretty long life spans in my family, I think I'd trade 10 years for having a comfortable income without ever having to work.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Well, you can muddle through your day complaining about everything that happens to you. Or you can own the choices you've made and enjoy what you've got (or make different choices).

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? Are we talking morally? It's always time to do what's right.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? 'Cause mistakes hurt...sometimes they physically hurt and sometimes they just hurt our pride, but they pretty much always suck one way or another.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Be completely honest.

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Every night. And sometimes it's like an annoying drip of water that drives me more than a little bit crazy. Told you I was high strung.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? My family and yes. Though I wish I was a little more loving with my kids, but they're being very 3 and 6 at the moment (it's like "terrible twos"--which aren't terrible at all--on steroids), which can make it difficult to find the "everyone's happy at the same time" moments.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that? No, I won't. And neither will you. I remember the little things that make up a life though...like when Sierra drew on the wall and blamed it on 2 month old Sedona, or when Sedona covered herself in finger paint, or when Josh left his gear and bailed on a climb with me because I panicked.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? I own that I have made the decision to stay home with my children even though that means turning some of the decision making over to my husband and his employers.

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